i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
