my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
