just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
