when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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