Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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