My room smells like vodka and shame
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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