your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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