omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
