He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
