you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
