College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
