I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
