I want to make a zoo with you.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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