he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
