i think my tv is drunk
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
