You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
