All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
