I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I did not marry a roomba.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
