She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This baby is an asshole
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
