I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
