I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
