stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
