wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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