I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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