Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
