im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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