I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
