my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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