I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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