when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
