Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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