I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize