my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
