i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
