He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
