We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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