____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
