why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
