Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
