i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize