He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
