I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
