I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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