Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
