My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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