Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
