To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
