dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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