she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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