There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
