I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
