Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
