Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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