I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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