I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
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Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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