carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
