We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
