He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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