he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
