you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
