We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I died a long time ago.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
