STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Still dying that you shit outside
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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