So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
thus making me awesome and them whores
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
