i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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