Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We named our party play list daddy issues
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
