i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
