I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
