I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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