i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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