dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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