Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
