I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
