I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
