Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
