Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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