remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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