i think my tv is drunk
My liver just broke up with me...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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