i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
