I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
