My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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