My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
