your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
