i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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