Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
porn star boner night. come get it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Randomize
