The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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